sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
