for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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