there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
