a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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