It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's shark week go big or go home
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
