i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
