Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
