You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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