Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
