Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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