Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
