Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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