I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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