I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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