theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
