I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
