don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
