he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
