his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
