I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Randomize
