I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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