Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
