You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
