Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
