I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
