He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
