was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
