everyone is single if you try hard enough
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
