Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
