I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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