I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize