Im at strip club and am horny
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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