I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
