My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
