He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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