How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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