My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
