well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
