Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so much tequila, so little girl.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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