Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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