How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
