...so i touched it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
