Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
