he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
