Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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