i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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