My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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