I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
