I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
