i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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