I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
