I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
And then he peed in my hair
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