Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
