i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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