i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
