I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did angry sex become our thing?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize