I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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