I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
