woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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