My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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