Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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