I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
