He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
