that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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