I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
