I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
