i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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