He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Bring me that man meat
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
