So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
