Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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