I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
