My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
