3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize