I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
