Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
