how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
