yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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